If Ah were a Rich Horse
by TheSkullKid
Summary: Parody/tribute to Fiddler on the Roof. Big Mac starts singing while working in the barn one day. Hilarity ensues. Oneshot. Read and review!


**A/N: I was watching Fiddler on the Roof when the famous song "If I were a Rich Man" came on. I began hearing it in Big Macintosh's voice. I couldn't un-hear it until I wrote this.**

Big Mac sighed. This was going to be the rest of his life. Feeding slop to pigs. And feed to chickens.

_Ah shouldn't be complain', _he thought. _Some ponies don't even have a house. Or a family. Still…._ He cast his gaze up to the sky.

"Dear Celestia, you made many, many poor ponies. Ah realize, o' course, tha' it's no shame to be poor. But... it's no great honor, either. So, what would have been so terrible iffen ah had small fortune?"

While he didn't know why, Big M ac had sudden compulsion to sing. He quickly checked to see that Applejack wasn't nearby. He would never hear the end of it if she caught him singing.

"If ah were a rich horse… Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long ah'd biddy biddy buck, if ah were a wealthy horse!

Ah still might wonna work hard, but it sure would be nice to take a break! If ah were a little bitty rich, idle, diddle, idle diddle horse."

He leaned on a support beam and continued his song.

"Ah'd plant a big tall tree with branches by the dozen, right in th' middle o' the town! A fine apple tree, with no bugs or worms. There would be one long branch holding nothin' but red apples! An' on even longer holdin' green. An' one more holdin' nothin', jus' fer show!"

He really started getting into the song, throwing down hoofulls of grain in time with the music.

"Ah'd fill mah yard with fine ripe apples, just for everypony to see! Shinin' jus' as bright as they can. An' each 'Ooh!' n' 'Aah!' an' 'Wow!' will land like a trumpet on th' ear. As if to say, here lives a wealthy horse…"

He continued with his work, every verse getting louder and more passionate.

"If ah were a rich horse… Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long ah'd biddy biddy buck, if ah were a wealthy horse!

Ah still might wonna work hard, but it sure would be nice to take a break! If ah were a little bitty rich, idle, diddle, idle diddle horse."

"Ah'd see mah sister, Applejack, not lookin' like a farmin' girl, with some nice' an proper clothes! She'd chat with fancy young mares to her heart's delight. Ah see her puttin' on airs and struttin' like a peacock, oh, what a happy mood she's in! Dontin' on her best fiends, day an' night!"

Big Mac's strong flank began swaying to the beat.

"The most important colts in town will come to fawn on me! They'll ask me to advise them, like an Appleseed the Wise! 'If you please, Big Macintosh'…'Pardon me, Big Macintosh', posin' problems that would stump a unicorn! An' it won't make one bit o' difference, if ah answer right or wrong, When you're rich, they think you're real smart…"

Big Mc sighed and sat down, thinking about other members of the Apple family.

"If, Ah, were, rich, ah'd have the time that ah lack, to play with little sis, an' maybe see her get her cutie mark. And ah'd play dolls with her and her friends several hours every day. An' that would be the sweetest thing of all…."

This was the last part. He knew it. He started soft….

"If ah were a rich horse… Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long ah'd biddy biddy buck, if ah were a wealthy horse!

After a quick crescendo, the power of his voice was practically shaking the barn.

"Celestia, who made the stallion and the mare!"

"You decreed ah should be what ah am!"

"Would it simply fill you with remorse!"

"If ah were a weal…thy…. HOOOOOOORSE!"

Big Mac was dancing around now, bellowing out the last note, not a care in the world-

"BIG MAC! WHAT IN THE NAME A' CELSTIA ARE YOU DOIN?"

Big Mac stopped dancing and turned around to face his sister.

"Nothin'."

"Whaddya mean, nothin'? You got Miss Cheerliee hidin' somewhere in here?"

"Nnnope."

"Well, pipe down anyway. Ah can hear you from the house. Get back to work."

"Eeeyup."

Big Mac was humming the chourus under his breath all day.

**A/N: I have a challenge: search "If I were a Rich Man" on youtube, find a karaoke version, and sing this. If you film it and send me a link to the video, you win +1 internets.**


End file.
